


Constellations in Numbers

by bluerosele



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Death Fic, Grief, Heavy Angst, I'm so sorry, Implied Parental Abuse, M/M, Scientism, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:10:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4182831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerosele/pseuds/bluerosele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Numbers are immortal. Hermann wipes the chalkboard but the structure stays in small dusted imprints. Events, he supposes, are enduring. But like people, no matter how impacting they are they erase just the same. But in their dust they don’t stay. They leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constellations in Numbers

**Author's Note:**

> Don't let me fic when sad.

Hermann wouldn’t deny it like Newt did for himself; he worshipped Numbers. 

The approximation they were the closest to the Handwriting of God wasn’t an emotionally fused comment to articulate the full magnitude of their meaning (not like Newt saving himself with “awe—in the original meaning of the word”). No, they were God. And he’d represent them in any way he could. 

He’s stopped trying to explain because all he’s gotten in return is accusations and blasphemy and once a fist that was too much. He’s never really gotten how his own reverence was less than songs but he’s stopped trying to formulate. Numbers are much softer. 

* * *

 

Numbers are immortal. Hermann wipes the chalkboard but the structure stays in small dusted imprints. 

Events, he supposes, are enduring. But like people, no matter how impacting they are they erase just the same. But in their dust they don’t stay. They leave. 

His leg, the Kaijus, Shatterdome. Numbers remain in calm stagnation, while everything else runs from, at, or to him.  

Newt was the most reluctant, but even in his vehemence he couldn’t run forever. 

Hermann limps out of bed.  

* * *

 

There were 572 other ways Newt could’ve decided, but he chose one, the wrong one, and Hermann was so angry with him. 

Hermann could’ve told him 254 of them then but after the hug, the “ _Ich liebe dich_ ” and jumping having one final drift with the Kaiju as a distraction to give the Jaeger, he wasn’t able to think or talk or grab for the damned helmet. Hermann hates himself for that. He wants to hate Newt for it to, but he never could and never would. 

The numbers stopped lining up after that. 


End file.
